My best friend gave me a notebook and magnet set years ago
with the quote: “go confidently in the direction of your dreams.” Since then, this quote has
become one of my favorite quotes along with Langston Hughes' “Hold fast to
dreams, if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly….” These
two quotes are so applicable to me. I am a dreamer, but I also have goals and
wishes. I am also my own worst critic
and the first person to step on my own feet. My best friend knows this and this
why I think she gave me that gift. Thank you bestie :)
I’ve realized early on that your own inner dialogue greatly
influences the outcome of your life. If you are constantly thinking negatively,
it’s hard to see the positive. I try to maintain an optimistic mind. Life isn’t
perfect. You can’t always get what you want, but if you focus on the good
things life has to offer and maintain a positive inner dialogue you will notice
that more opportunities arise. Just don’t hold yourself back and you will be a
much happier person.
I’ve taken leaps of
faith and I’ve also held myself back. The decision to move to South Korea was
both a leap of faith and also an act of determination. But, there are so many
other things that I want to do- that I dream of doing, but I haven’t
entertained out of fear. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, even fear of judgment.
It amazes me sometimes how much confidence others have in me. My family and
friends are very encouraging and always make me believe that I am so much more
than I already am. But instead of listening to them, I make excuses in my head
about why they are just looking through rose-colored glasses. I’m not as smart
as they think, yet I graduated high school in the top 5% and with honors, went
to a top university, studied pre-veterinary medicine and was in two academic
fraternities. I’m not as driven as they think, yet I pushed my way through
college, consistently worked with animals to build my career, got a great job
after college and an apartment and later decided to leave it all behind and
move to Korea. I’m not as creative as they think, yet I am constantly reading,
writing and imagining and what I cannot do physically, I do in my head ( I swear
I’m not crazy ;) ).
I realize I should listen to the positive
things other people tell me. It would not be said consistently if it wasn’t
true. Generally, I am very optimistic, but there are times when I do struggle
with a negative inner dialogue. I have to take a step back and remind myself
how much more I have than others and of all the things that are great about me,
all the qualities that are unique to me. It’s a true blessing to be an
individual, a person in one head with one mind, with thoughts and dreams and
creativity. I will try not to step on my
own toes. I think time away from the pressures of life in America has finally
given me the time to think. I’ve seen so much since I’ve been here and met so
many great people. I’ve done way more in 6 months than I did years in America.
I’m writing more, I’m reading more and having more adventures. I’m doing the things I love and even
thinking of ways to do things that I’ve always wanted to do. My life is a
constant metamorphosis. When I was working in the States, I felt like I was in
a cocoon, trapped by conformity and societal wishes. Yes I was still evolving
while inside the cocoon, discovering bits and pieces about myself, but I was
still a bit suffocated. Now, I feel like I can finally peek out and see what
else the world has to offer. One thing I’ve realized is that the “American Dream”
is not everything. It takes leaving the country and the associated pressures to
realize that. That is not who I want to be. I don’t care for having a 9-5 job
if I hate it. I don’t think I’ll be devastated if I never own a house or have
an 800 credit score. I’m not saying I plan on living out a box and working odd
jobs and running up a whole bunch of debt.
What I’m saying is, my ultimate goal
in life is the pursuit of happiness. It’s cliché, but it’s true. Because, I try to maintain a positive attitude, it is rare that I am truly unhappy for an extended period of time. However, I am not perfect and my life is not perfect so those unhappy times do happen. I pray for a
happy life and a happy life for my family and friends every night. I think that
is the ultimate success, because what is the American dream if you’re miserable.
I’m not quite sure what my life will look like in ten years. Yes, I plan to
move back to America eventually, finish my masters and start a career, but as
of now I don’t want to be confined there. The world is so vast and it would be
a shame not to see what else it has to offer. For now, my life is in South
Korea. Here is where I have come to spread my wings, to begin to shape and mold
myself for a final display of beauty.
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