On friendships

The thing about moving to another country where you don’t have the instant support of your family and friends is that you look for that in other expats who are going through the same thing. When I first got to Korea, I only knew one person. We were still new and didn’t do much (we’ve come a long way huh Tess?) Then, I was lucky enough to meet my friend Alice who introduced me to her friends. It was my 2^nd or 3^rd week in Korea and I spent it at a jimjibang (Korean spa/bath house) butt naked with two girls I had just met. One of the girls, Sasha, has since left Korea, but she will always hold a special place in my memories and heart. Alice and I are still friends and we now jokingly call her my “3^rd best friend”. 

Soon after the jimjibang weekend we all met again in Seoul for Sasha’s bday.  There, I met Allie and since then Alice, Allie and I have become sort of a trio. For a while it was just us, but I begin to make new friends as well. 

  Since college, I’ve gained and lost friends. It’s hurt a bit each time I lost one and I use to be the one to try and reach out to regain that lost friend. I wanted to be able to have different people to hang out with- to say that I had a lot of friends. As I get older, I realize that isn’t important. Some people are not meant to stay in your life.

I mentioned in my previous blogs posts that Korea has been great in that I have been growing as a person so much since moving here. One thing I’ve realized is that people will come and go in your life, but only a few stick and only a few make a difference. I’ve noticed especially being an expat that you will always have the people who value quantity over quality when it comes to friends- those looking to fill the voids that were never filled or were previously filled in their home country.

Don’t become a serial friender. A serial friender is a person who constantly seeks friends, but their friendships never lasts so they are always looking for the next new shiny friend. While it’s desirable to meet as many people as you can as an expat, it’s important to value the quality friends that you have. There is something to be said about a person who makes friends every few months and then loses them. I realize that sometimes it’s about the need for attention, the desire not to be alone or the need for approval if even for a few months, but one thing I noticed is that never fills any gaps and it never is quite satisfying. I will always say, it is important to surround yourself with positive influences and distance yourself from negative ones. Quality over quantity. The more mature you get, the more you realize this. 

I am lucky to have kept four very close friends over the years. I can’t say enough how much I appreciate and love my best friend. We’ve had our ups and downs and there were times when I wasn’t a very good friend to her, once being right before I moved to Korea, but she has stuck by me and I,  her.  We’ve been friends for thirteen years and have become more like family. My other best friends and I haven’t talked  as much, but in our ten year friendship we have always been  close no matter how often we talk. One of my friends went to veterinary school for 5 years and we talked a total of two times, but when she got back we picked right back up where we left off. 

I’ve since added to my list of life-long friends (Allie, Alice). Even if we don’t talk in the next year, (which I doubt cause I’ll be stalking yall on Skype) I know that when we do meet again we will pick up where we left off. I can't forget about my other friends though. I am lucky enough to have met some great people who I know I will continue to keep in touch with even when Korea is behind us. I look forward to another year or the months I have left with you.

I’m looking forward to another year of cultivating current friendships, meeting new people and socializing, but more importantly making quality friends.